Sunday, December 23, 2012



I received this email and thought everyone would get a chuckle out of it ~~ enjoy..


As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door
without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread
because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands
with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because
I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag
for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks
for the email about rat poo

In the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar
because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC
because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants
even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern ,
I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can be used to remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy
fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,

So a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap
in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know
I can't boil a cup of water

In the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema
because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers
because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..

Thanks to you
I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice
I can't ever pick up a

Dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening
because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

P. S.  Now I keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. Out of the toilet..

Gotta love Maxine !!!!!
Big Hugs,